Be a mother now! –
I know asking you to be a mother now may sound masochistic but humor me for a moment.
Really what I’m asking it that you tap into the qualities of a mother and begin to cultivate them. So what do you think about when you imagine the qualities of a mother?
Kind, soft, caring, unconditionally loving, intuitive, warm, inviting, understanding, wise, prepared, powerful, and probably many others, right? When was the last time you tapped into these qualities?
We spend so much of our life as young women being groomed for success. We get rewarded for developing our intellect and hardening our bodies. Our success depends on our ability to compete, sometimes even more aggressively than men, for new opportunities. Most of us are pretty powerful. We’ve learned how to be resourceful and strong. Unfortunately, our soft, intuitive feminine side doesn’t really serve us in the “real” world.
When I was climbing the corporate ladder I had this really powerful female boss. One day I was upset and in her office asking her how she does it, how she keeps up and competes in the corporate world. She didn’t say anything, she simply wrote these words on a piece of paper and handed it to me, “No Emotion.”
So we’ve learned how to put our needs aside and go for the prize. We’ve become fighters and winners. But what have we lost in that process?
Many of us have lost or have never even cultivated these incredibly powerful feminine qualities. We’ve never tapped into our powerful intuitive knowing and we even tend to hold back on our natural instinct to extend love and care to others. As a result, we also tend to hold back on loving ourselves.
It’s funny, we have become so perfectionistic that most of us continually compare ourselves to the perfect woman. You know who she is. The one in your mind that has the perfect body, she’s charming, pretty, funny, smart, and everyone loves her. Yeah, that chick, the one that doesn’t exist.
So on a good day we are constantly comparing ourselves to this imaginary woman that doesn’t exist and we never measure up so were mostly disappointed in ourselves. But throw in infertility and it becomes a huge problem. Now you begin to really hate your body for not doing what it’s supposed to do. Or if you don’t hate your body, you’re probably disappointed about it’s performance and as a result you’re disconnected from it. You may even feel a full identity crisis, wondering how to define yourself in the absence of having children.
What does your inner dialog look like right now? What are you telling yourself? Is it kind, compassionate, and unconditionally loving? I’m guessing, no.
So try to imagine right now that you have a daughter. And your daughter is struggling with infertility. Imagine her saying this to you, “Mom, I’m so unlucky, why is this happening to me? What’s wrong with me? What if I never get pregnant?” Now imagine taking her into your arms. What would you say to her?
Would you tell her that no matter what happens you’ll love her? Or, that she doesn’t need to worry, that everything is going to work out, that she’s amazing and will make an amazing mother when the time comes, that she’s not alone?
I think most of us would say something like that to our daughters if they were in this situation, don’t you?
So what would it take for you to step into the roll of mother, for yourself? So you can begin to engage in kind, compassionate, unconditionally loving inner dialog. So you can make that imaginary “perfect” woman disappear and recognize that perfection includes flaws. It’s our flaws that make us perfect. Even infertility.
Pay attention to that inner critic and shift your awareness to the wonderful qualities that make good mothers magnetic. Start practicing on yourself. Ask yourself what you need and meet those needs just as you would the needs of your child. You deserve your care, without you there will be no baby.
So go look into your eyes and extend love to that amazing, resourceful, brilliant beautiful lady that is on her way to becoming a mom.
Blessings and love,